Kitchen Disaster-Antonio Cisneros

Posted on January 30, 2014


The kitchen is the most dangerous place in the world. Well at least for me it is since I’m horrible at cooking. I was a spoiled child; being fed from the day I was born until I decided to abandon my mother’s beautiful kitchen. We had to detach ourselves; I had become too dependent on the endless amount of food that was in the fridge. Junior year of college was when I really felt the brake up. That’s when things got nasty.

I made the biggest mistake of cooking for myself. My first victim was a chicken. Not chicken breast, or a thigh not even a wing; a whole chicken! I felt as helpless and lost as I was when I was learning chemistry in first period. I had no idea what to do with the chicken. I picked it up, put it back down, poked it and hoped that if I stared long enough, it would cook itself.

The chicken was naked so I decided to dress it up with some seasoning and garlic. I googled “how to fry a chicken” and an endless list of websites popped up. I instantly felt relieved. Not following the recipe sounded like a great idea, so I freestyled it and hoped for the best. I grabbed a dark pot, put about 2 inches of oil and stuck the chicken inside then went on to do everything except pay attention to the food. I kept it prisoner for about 15 minutes and decided to check how it was doing. The skin was brown so I kept it in for another 20 minutes. Left it to cook in its misery and finally came back to it. The skin looked like it had been replaced by charcoal. I released it from its fiery and greasy jail cell and placed the blob of charcoal unto a plate. The best part was coming and I was not ready for it.

I grabbed what seemed like a machete and stabbed the chicken’s chest. A small pool of blood was waiting for me in the middle of it. My freestyle chicken recipe didn’t really work out as well as I thought it would. Charcoal on the outside and blood on the inside; what a great combination. If anyone would like to make this Fried Freestyle Chicken please take a look below I have included the recipe.


ü The biggest whole chicken you can find

ü Oil (olive or coconut oil if you want to be healthier when you fry it)

ü Any kind of seasoning you find at Safeway that says “chicken seasoning”

ü Onions

ü Garlic


1. (1) Have no experience or know anything about cooking

2. (2) Start by taking out the chicken from fridge

3. (3)Stare at it for about 5 minutes

4. (4)After staring at it and finding no hope that this might actually turn out good, get a pot

5. (5)Fill the pot with the oil (2 inches so that it only covers the bottom part of the chicken and not the entire thing like its actually supposed to be)

6. (5)Rub the chicken with the chicken seasoning you randomly chose

7. (6)Throw garlic and onions inside the chicken

8. (7)Toss the chicken in the pot

9. (8)Leave the chicken in its misery for about 40 minutes

10(9)Make sure the chicken matches the color of the black pot

11(10)Cut the chicken

12(11)Throw it away

Posted in: Student Posts